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That thing cannot be real. It looks like something out of Sesame Street. Like Oscar the Grouch got run over and decided to live on the ocean floor. How did evolution actually arrive here? This must be some sort of prank. Ashton Kutcher, you can come out now. Consider us Punk'd!
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Don't tell us what to do! You can't force us to have a good morning, so if you don't mind, we would like to continue our screaming at the void until we feel better. If you want us to stop, the first step is to give us some coffee.
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